Chapter 2: Included Options

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How We Are Put Together

ll of us are influenced by what we believe in. Our beliefs shape our lives, give us hope, and motivate our actions. Henry Ford once said, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't you're right."[1] If we believe things about ourselves that are not true, then we live a lie. However, if we believe things that are only partially true, then we live a partial lie. If we believe truth, then we live a life that reflects truth, or stated another way, we live in reality. When teenagers understand how God has made them, they will enter adulthood prepared to live realistically, their own true identity and not some false identity developed by observing and reacting to the world around them.

      God made each of us with a specific design in mind. He created us as a complex mixture of spirit, soul, and body as outlined in 1 Thessalonians 5:23: “…may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete…”

      The Bible says in Jeremiah 1:5: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you . . .” God had an understanding of who your child would be even before He created him or her. This is an exciting and revealing truth. It means that your children were made to be who they are on purpose, i.e., they were made with God’s purpose in mind, and He has designed every human being to perform at an exceptional level when operating within His “specifications.” As stated earlier, a child’s performance will depend largely upon whether he or she is raised on high or low-octane fuel.

      Each one of us is designed to perform utilizing the “factory options” God gave us. Bodies that give us distinct physical characteristics, a soul that brings passion and emotion to our lives, and a spirit of intellect and reason forever separating us from the animal kingdom. We truly are special creations built to perform as designed by God.

      Understanding how God has designed us is not a trivial task, but is vital in understanding how we should train up our child “in the way he should go.” The sad consequences of leaving our children’s development to society or chance are born out in the frightening statistics readily available.

      Theresa and I did not discover our God-given talents and traits until later in life. Once we understood how God designed us, it became obvious that we needed to make course corrections in our lives. I needed to alter my career path, ministry, and even how I spent my spare time. Now I could not be more excited about my future as it is filled with anticipation of wonderful experiences of achieving goals that God has designed me to accomplish.

      Raising our children without taking into account their personal profile will deprive them of the life God has gifted them with and will impoverish their future development, producing negative results throughout the remainder of their lives. The stakes are too high to leave the development of our children to public institutions, or worse, by chance.

      It is equally important to realize that damage is done if we use the knowledge we gain about our children to label them in a way that casts negative light on who they are or how others perceive them. The same knowledge we might use to inappropriately label a child, however, can be very helpful in providing guidance, or to help insulate the child from activities in which he or she would be ridiculed or teased by his or her peers.

      Each person has physical, intellectual, and emotional characteristics that can be identified. Physical characteristics are easily observed, so parents need to become aware of the intellectual and emotional characteristics of a child, which are commonly broken down into personality, talents and strengths, and behavioral traits.

Personality.

      Personality is a part of what the Bible calls our soul, or the seat of our emotions, desires, and passions. Personality is a combination of distinguishing character traits, desires, passions, attitudes, and habits. It describes how we interact with the world around us.

      Benjamin Franklin said, “There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” Because it is very difficult for us to be objective about our own personality, psychologists have created tests that can help us understand ourselves better. These tests are very effective for adults, but for the most part, are not available for children. However, an adult familiar with the different personality types and temperaments can begin spotting these characteristics very early on in a child’s development. This will assist in providing direction to a child in “the way he should go.” For example, a child who is quiet around others is most likely an introvert, but a child who is social and talkative is probably an extrovert. A child who loves games and cries if he loses probably has a competitive strength. You can spot dominant personalities in children by watching how they work within their peer groups. If they tend to push the group toward what they want and dominate the group, then they are demonstrating a dominate characteristic. A child who will not take risks, who is shy about going to Sunday school has cautious behavioral traits.

      Spotting these trends early on is simple if parents know what the traits really are. This knowledge can be used to encourage their children in the “way he should go.” Remember, you are not pushing the child, but encouraging them in the direction they are naturally bent to go. Remember, the difference is in suggestions that motivate rather than suggestions that bring pressure on the child.

Talents and Strength.

      God “hardwires” each person with certain talents and strengths that show up very early on in life (some psychologists believe as early as three years of age). These talents determine how effective we are in a particular role. Knowing the talents and strengths your teenager possesses is critical in understanding where they will excel and where they have weaknesses.

Behavioral Traits.

      Behavioral traits show up as different attitudes toward the world around us. Effective testing can assist in determining exactly how we are gifted. Just as in most psychometric testing,[2] it can be used in the high school years to help determine the types of roles your child will take in life.

      God has made us all as a complex mixture of these different traits. The distinct mixture that an individual is gifted with determines largely how successful he or she will be in a particular role in life. As your child grows into adulthood, knowing beforehand how he or she is designed will allow you to assist your child in selecting the right college major beforehand and will help give them the confidence needed to pursue a career later on he or she will enjoy. Once a person understands how he or she is made, decisions about career paths become more common sense. For example, a medical doctor will have a distinctly different profile than a builder, just as an interior decorator will have a different profile than a lawyer.

      In many families, the family business or profession is passed on from parent to child over several generations. If grandfather was in politics, then father was in politics and then later, the child is encouraged to go into politics. That means a college track in political science, social events to meet the family political supporters and natural knack for meeting and mingling with people. If the child is a cautious introverted and deliberate type, a natural conflict will arise. They will soon find themselves struggling to survive test scores in subject matter they have little interest in, disappointing their parents, and feeling uncomfortable in social settings. Soon they lose sight of their own personal significance and attempt to become the person their peers, family, and professors expect them to become. This, of course, is done initially with good intentions, but not what God had in mind when He originally created the child.

      When a person with a cautious behavioral trait, an introverted personality type, and no competitive strengths runs for political office, he or she will find it very difficult to campaign. If they do manage to get into office they would most likely lack the social skills required to mingle, to be the center of attention at public functions, and the leadership skills necessary for a life in public office. Train up that same child to follow his or her passions and the child will know he or she is special and will have personal significance in a career more suitable to his or her design.

      Just as your automobile has different parts to each major component, there are different traits that go with each of our three major “systems.” An automobile has a drive train, a body, and an interior. The drive train consists of an engine, transmission, and differential. The body has fenders, hood, and a trunk. The interior consists of seats, controls, and a dashboard. Each of the components is identifiable and provides a specific function.

      People also consist of major systems that psychologists have broken down into components so they can better understand them. We have a personality that is reflected in our emotions, passions, and desires. We have talents that show up in the things we do well, and we have behavioral traits that affect the way we interact with others. These categories of traits are divided into components such as the components of an automobile. The exciting part is they can be identified through psychometric tests that may be taken as early as age sixteen.

      The test results are very revealing! It’s as if someone from outside knows things about you that you did not know, or at least could never verbalize. It is interesting to note that although it’s difficult for us to see these traits in ourselves, it is not so difficult for others to spot them, they just need to know what to look for. These traits can be observed early on in a child’s life. They show up as a competitive spirit on the soccer field, musical talent with an instrument, the desire to learn in an avid reader, and the almost compulsive need to communicate in an extrovert. All these are signs that there are forces working within a child that can be harnessed and directed in “the way a child should go.” The major components of these traits are easy to understand and are an interesting study in just how we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”[3] 

      There are three psychometric assessments, which can assist you in building a profile of how God has designed you and your child. Each test paints another part of the whole picture. Careful study of each of the traits within the assessments will assist you in spotting tendencies in yourselves and your younger children. The three assessments are the Gallup Clifton StrengthsFinder^®[4], the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator^®[5], and the DiSC Classic Profile^®[6].

The Clifton StrengthsFinder^® Assessment.

      The Clifton StrengthsFinder^® assessment, designed and developed by The Gallup Organization, is an online Internet assessment that identifies five talents or strengths a person has from a comprehensive list of thirty-four possibilities. The five talents or strengths point out where we are more effective, and where our strengths lie. The more people who understand their talents and strengths, the better able they are to leverage them for top performance.[7]

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator^®.

      According to this assessment, all people can be classified using four criteria:  

1.                 Extroversion – Introversion

2.                 Sensing – Intuition

3.                 Thinking – Feeling

4.                 Judging – Perceiving

      The first criterion, Extroversion – Introversion, defines how people express themselves. Extroverts express themselves mainly in the external world while the introvert finds his or her source of energy mainly in the internal world. The second criterion, Sensing – Intuition, defines the method of information perception by a person. Sensing means that a person believes mainly information he or she receives directly from the external world. Intuition means that a person believes mainly information he receives from the internal or imaginative world. The third criterion, Thinking – Feeling, defines how the person processes information. Thinking means a person makes a decision mainly through logic. Feeling means that, as a rule, he or she makes a decision based on emotion. The fourth criterion, Judging – Perceiving, defines how a person implements the information he or she has processed. Judging is defined how a person organizes all his life events and acts strictly according to his plans. Perceiving means that he is inclined to improvise and seek alternatives.[8]

The DiSC Classic Profile^®.

      The DiSC Classic Profile^® evaluates behavioral traits, or how people respond to the world around them. The DiSC Classic Profile^® provides an insight into an individual style that is more than adequate to predict the likely trends of their behavior in the future.[9]

These traits or styles of behavior are divided into the following four dimensions:

Dominance (D) is the DiSC Classic Profile^® factor that relates to control, power, and assertiveness.

Influence (I) relates to an individual’s approach to social situations, and their style of communication.

Steadiness (S) is the factor of patience, persistence, and thoughtfulness.

Compliance (C) describes a person’s approach to structure and organization.

      When the results of these tests are combined with an understanding of what a child is passionate about, and what excites his or her heart, a picture of how God designed that person begins to emerge.

      My wife Theresa, and I noticed that our daughter, Rachel, loved to be around children. She mothered her older brothers and cousins, and spent countless hours with her dolls. She was like a magnet to small children. They followed and swarmed around her like honeybees wherever she went. These personality traits in Rachel started showing up at an early age. When she played with other toddlers we could see that she liked being in the middle of group activities. We could also see that she was a social soul who enjoyed high levels of interaction with others. In her early teen years, she started using the computer and we soon discovered that she was a very interactive type. We were amazed at how she could type extremely fast, talk on the phone, do her nails, and know everything that was going on around her. These behaviors helped us to understand the kinds of activities and interaction with the world she would enjoy and excel in.

      By observing these traits early on, we could see that she was an extrovert with a passion for children and lots of dialogue. We realized she would make a great teacher. Rachel started attending our church’s Awana program (a Bible verse memorization club) at an early age. When she was old enough, we encouraged her to become an assistant leader. She loved it! She soon became very close to all the children and she had an emotional attachment that bonded them to her. Is it no wonder that they soon excelled under her leadership? Rachel has a melancholy and sanguine temperament. This allows her to be creative and thoughtful, but also outgoing. It becomes a natural thing for us to encourage her to seek education and employment in an industry where she can deal with people, especially children.

      Living in Southern California, we have access to great off-road riding, racecourses, and races. Vehicles that race off-road are much different from their automobile cousins. The elite trophy trucks are the most exotic and fastest in desert racing. They are built to take an enormous pounding over tough terrains for up to a thousand miles at very high speeds. Trophy trucks haul only their passengers and race gear needed to complete the race. Their street brother will carry a load on a highway over long distances, but the trophy truck will go over a hundred miles an hour over the rough and unforgiving terrain of places like Baja Mexico.

      These trucks will also perform at very high levels in the rockiest, most inhospitable, terrain imaginable because they are designed and built to perform at their best in the desert. A trophy truck’s suspension can move up and down three feet or more, allowing it to traverse large bumps at high speeds. Most trophy trucks have a 650-horse power engine with a heavy-duty transmission and differential to power them. All that power is delivered to very large off road tires that are locked to the rims with bead locks to keep them from spinning off at high speeds or while driving in the rocks. Each component of the drive train has to be specially designed and built to operate together or the truck will not compete at a level required to win. As nimble as trophy trucks are in the desert, they do not make good work trucks, have no storage room in the bed, no tailgate, are very loud, and finally, they only get a half-mile to a gallon of gas.

      The trophy truck is designed and built to perform in the desert just as each person is designed to perform the way God intended. The trophy truck is designed to be fast in rough terrain and the drivers have certain personality traits that make them successful. They are competitive, persistent, and fearless souls that are not in it for the money. Very few drivers, if any, make a decent living driving off-road vehicles. However, they have a passion for the sport itself. Owners and drivers of off-road race cars finance their sport primarily from personal wealth because it also plays to their strengths and personality.

      It is the combination of the right components—assembled carefully by the designer—that makes a race truck perform well. God did the same with our children. He carefully selected the different components that give each person a unique personal profile, talents and strengths to perform better at some things than others, personalities that make us act the way we do, and behavioral traits that determine the type of role your child will take in society.

      If your child is designed to be an engineer, then you will see the necessary components early on in life. He will demonstrate an attention to detail, a serious and determined personality that also loves a challenge. He will have a desire to learn difficult and technical subject matter. It doesn’t just take one of these components to make a good engineer; it takes all of them plus a passion for detail. A child who is created by God with these attributes will excel if he or she are encouraged to pursue a field of study that encourages the use of attributes he or she already possesses.

      If a child is guided toward what he or she is passionate about in the early years of development, the child will continue to gravitate toward it as he or she grows older. Providing direction to a child that is already pursuing his or her passion is as simple as selecting a track of study that encourages excellence in the child’s preferred discipline.

      Most children enter the workforce or go off to college not really knowing what it is they want to do in life. Unfortunately, most parents grew up the same way and so they expect their children to go through the same fate. Is it any wonder that most people flounder in life until frustration causes them to move on to a more suitable career path?

      In all fairness, parents are not always equipped to provide that level of guidance to their children. It’s not that we don’t lack the motivation to provide guidance, but often we lack the training. If we want High-Octane children, then we need to provide High-Octane fuel for them to operate.

      All of us are a product of what we believe in, and what we believe about who we are determines the impact we will have in life. If what a child believes about himself is High-Octane, he will then perform at the high level he was designed by God to perform at.

Schedule dates for your family to take each of the tests mentioned above.