Chapter 3: Take a Test Drive

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What We Are Capable Of Doing

rocreation is a partnership with God in which a man and a woman are directly involved in creating life. This is perhaps one of man’s greatest privileges. When children are born, parents receive a miraculous new creation, each with their own giftedness created to excel in the life they are designed for with different capacities and potential. Parents often delight with the birth of each child; dreaming about the great things their offspring will accomplish. Mom and Dad have hopes and desires for their child’s future, each one individually endowed with a unique mix of talents and personality to help equip the child to achieve his or her God-given purpose in life.

      Thomas Jefferson said, “We must always remember that God has given to every soul the responsibility of deciding what its character and destiny shall be.” God gave us personality, talents, and strengths to accomplish His will for our lives. Indeed, He has already determined what area in life we will excel. Parents not only have the unique opportunity to assist a child in determining these traits and strengths, but also to see what the child is capable of; how big to dream and how to be equipped to accomplish his or her dreams.

      Jesus was born into a family business. His earthly father, Joseph, was a carpenter. Jesus followed in the footsteps of his earthly father. However, we must remember that this was not the purpose in which Jesus came to earth. Have you ever thought about how interesting it is that we do not have one single piece of work Jesus made while He worked on earth as a carpenter? Also, we are not given one description in the Bible of what type of carpentry He performed. Jesus changed the world forever by fulfilling the main purpose He was created for. His great message of life to us is the perennial best seller, and He is the most talked about and the most written about personality in all of history.

The connection between design and performance.

      I can still remember vividly the first muscle car I ever owned. It was a 1968 Camaro. Talk about a High-Octane car! This steel beast with wheels had a four-speed transmission, powered by a throaty 327 V8 engine. The body style was so sleek and dynamic that it seemed to challenge every car that pulled up next to it at a stoplight to a race. However, the flipside was that it also attracted too much attention from the police. They also agreed that it was fast, too fast, and they often proved it by writing me many certified notifications from their black books.

      Because the car was so light, and it had so much power, it was easy to accelerate from a stop. It was great on the straightway, but not much for winding roads. I could outrun a Porsche in a drag race, but the Porsche could corner much better because it was originally designed and built low to the ground.

      I knew the Camaro was designed for speed when I first took it out on a test drive. I barely tapped the accelerator with my foot, and vroom! Off I went. My Camaro also had a beautiful body design with sleek lines. The car always drew lots of looks, especially the attention of a beautiful woman named Theresa Hancock. Theresa and I spent many weekends at the drag strip together before I persuaded her to marry me and help me accessorize my Camaro.

Design and Purpose

      Design and purpose are intimately related. The impact of design on an automobile is easy to see. The impact of the Creators design in each of us is not as obvious. With knowledge of design and understanding of purpose, parents have the foundation to give wise guidance to their child.   What were your children designed for? What are they capable of doing? What unknown talents, passions, and traits do they possess which would empower them to have a profound impact on their fellow brethren? Will they become the next Einstein? Or maybe the first astronaut to land on Mars? Or how about a great Statesman who brings peace between two war-torn countries? How about a true craftsman that brings joy to all he touches, or a highly skilled technician that helps keep your car safe on the road? The capacity for High-Octane children is there if you learn to spot it early on when you give your child a careful “test drive.” While we were yet in our mother’s womb, God designed certain capacities and capabilities into each of us. Understanding and assisting your children where they excel in life will help give them a much better chance of performing to God’s specifications.

He who cherishes a beautiful ideal in his heart, will one day realize it. Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in you mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built. James Allen, Author

Living a Life of Meaning

      It is one of the great tragedies of our times that so many of our young people have no sense of why they are here. Without a feeling of personal worth and self-significance, many teens become depressed and suicidal. Much of the drug abuse in our culture can be directly related to depression. Experts agree. “The most common reason people abuse drugs are “to get high.” Adolescents can become involved in experimentation with drugs. However, only a small percentage of people who experiment with drugs become drug abusers. The desire “to get high” may be from an underlying disease such as depression. It may also come from the pressures of coping with school, work, or family tensions.”[1]

      Over the years, Theresa and I have spent a substantial amount of time enjoying the deserts of Southern California. We could see from early on that our three sons enjoyed different activities while we camped there. All three of my sons had jeep trucks with wheels, which would fall off and have to be changed, just like the real buggies we drove. My oldest son, Mike Jr., would push his toy jeep around so much that the little wheels would come off on a regular basis. He made noises with his mouth like a buggy sputtering and changing gears (Mike Jr. loves the desert to this day). James would play with his toy truck the same way, but only for a short time. His attention inevitably turned to sports because that is where his heart is. Jason also played with his toy Jeep, but it wasn’t long before he turned it into an airplane out souring through the air and dreaming of the day he would fulfill his dreams of flying. Recently, Jason took me flying in a real airplane over that same area. Lest I forget my one and only daughter, Rachel would study her brothers as she attended her dolls and organized games of house with the other children in the camp.

      Of course, Theresa and I saw these propensities in our children early on and encouraged each one to pursue his dream. Today, Mike Jr. designs, fabricates, and builds off-road buggies as a hobby. Now he invites the entire family to the desert to enjoy time with him and his wife, Tracy. James continued to pursue sports and eventually joined the United States Olympic development squad as a 2004 Olympic hopeful running the 5000 meter. Jason is fast on his way to becoming a commercial pilot. At age 22, he is an instrument pilot with his commercial rating and is now a certified flight instructor working in the field he has dreamed of since childhood. Rachel is still as independent as ever. She continues to organize her friends to do things together and she’s also pursuing a career in child development.

Spotting a Young Childs Profile

      Early on in our child’s life we can begin to understand just what our child is capable of and how he or she is designed. Through careful observation, we can also see the potential God built into them and what the possibilities are for their future. Encouragement is one of the ingredients of High-Octane Living. As you observe these capabilities and passions emerging in your child, you can begin to encourage your child to pursue them. You will find he or she will excel in these areas as you grow closer together. It is these traits your child will start to be well known for. They will stand out from the crowd and have a sense of significance in their life because, with your help, they will be pursuing what they were made for. Remember, these are lasting passions; they do not disappear as time passes (they may change but they will not disappear).

      We are fortunate and blessed with the opportunity to nurture our children. Nurturing them not only with the staples of life, but also in faith and love. We must give them faith that they are here for a purpose and that God made them for a special purpose. We must love them to show them that their lives mean something and they were created to accomplish wonderful things in life. Once parents understand and take on the responsibility of developing the potential within their child, they will become recipients of many blessings. Each time I enter Mike Jr.’s shop and see his latest project, I am blessed with the knowledge that Mike is pursuing something he loves.

Passion as a Direction Finder

      Passion in a child is the key to understanding where his or her talents and traits will lead him or her later on in life. Carefully observing what the child is doing at an early age will help you understand where his or her passions lie. At the early age of five, my son Jason clearly indicated that he was a drummer. We have a home video of a Christmas where our children are gathered around their Grandmother’s electronic piano. The children are taking turns playing with the piano as grandpa records them. While his older brothers pounded noisily on the keyboard, Jason played air drums. Later on, I noticed he was on beat and on time—symbols and all.

      We did not catch Jason’s drumming passion at the time, but we did spot his love of music, so we put him in piano lessons. Like many gifted musicians, Jason did well at piano. He had natural timing and rhythm. By the time he turned 13, he was assembling pots and pans into a drum set. I couldn’t believe how amazing he was on the pots and pans! He had a five-gallon can for the kick drum, lids for cymbals and cans for drums. As the stereo played music, Jason played along on his makeshift drum set in perfect time with all the coordination and talent of a seasoned drummer.

      Jason has become an accomplished musician performing different styles of music and the bands he has played in have even toured on the West Coast. The home movie proved that if we had been watching for Jason’s talents and passions early on, we would have spotted the giftedness he had for percussion. Interestingly, Jason’s passion for drumming finally came to the surface in the form of a makeshift set of drums. Until that point, we were blinded by our desire to see him succeed at playing the piano. Of course playing the piano is a wonderful teaching tool; however, it was also a diversion from Jason’s real talent. Sometimes we wonder what he would have accomplished if he’d had a drum set instead of a piano at that early age. Also, what would have happened to his self-esteem early on when he began to understand that he had a special gift? Just think of how much more creativity might have blossomed in Jason.

      One might argue as Theresa and I did at the time that personal discipline was at stake, and music lessons on the piano would eventually teach Jason self-discipline and how to read music. However, the reality was we had to force him to practice piano, whereas drumming was automatic. In this area, he was self-motivated and had all the self-discipline he needed. God built in the motivation and the self-discipline—all we had to do was watch for the passion. Now Jason glorifies God as a drummer in praise bands. He blesses the Lord with the talents God gave him and he is a testimony of how God’s gifts can uplift others in the Body of Christ.

Watch for Passion

      Determining what your child is designed for and capable of is a matter of watching for his passions. This means you must observe what they like to spend time doing and give them encouragement to keep going in that direction. It is also about supporting them in their natural abilities as well. The more we help them move toward their passions, the more they will excel because that is the way God designed them early on. The opposite is also true. If we encourage and prod our children to perform in areas where they are weak, then they will fail more often and eventually not have the motivation and persistence required to succeed.

      It may be tempting to discount your ability to spot these strengths and traits. But don’t! How many times have you caught yourself amazed at how well your child can assemble a set of blocks, or how he or she is obsessed with one toy over another? Maybe your child has a great physique and loves physical contact (the next John Elway?). You might have noticed he or she seems to be more interested in interaction with other children, playing music, or attracted to studying and books. All of us parents look on our children’s talents with pride, wondering just what capacities they really have. The true ability to spot these traits in our children at an early age is really built into us as parents—we just need training on how to nurture and guide our children so they can follow their passions and God-given abilities.

      Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (NASB). When we do focus our children toward their passions and abilities, then we are raising them to be what God meant them to be. It is only then that they will find natural motivation, personal significance, and enjoyment in the challenge of advancing in their art or discipline.

      There are many benefits of spotting and communicating to your child what you see them excelling in. Encouragement naturally builds a parent and child mentoring relationship, which will continue throughout your lives. Not all encouragement has to be in the form of positive feedback, either. People need to be guided around the landmines of life—some more than others—because not all personalities have the same ability to motivate themselves to action.

      Part of the Clifton StrengthsFinders^® analysis will assist you in determining where your child’s propensities lie later on in his or her teen years. Some people have predominately thinking themes and need outside prompting to get them activated. Others are more about activity and not as much about thinking. These people need outside assistance to help them spot areas in their lives where they need to think things through more. It is tempting to see this as a flaw in character, but it is not. These are the same people who grew up to be the person everyone looks to for motivation. What they have to learn is to look to others for counsel on whether they have thought things through enough before they act. On the opposite side, it is critical for the thinker to have parents that will direct his or her mental capacities toward activities that will exercise their capacity to think. Indeed, the great German thinker, Desiderius Erasmus said, “Concealed talent brings no reputation.”

      Parents are in a perfect position not only to spot these tendencies early on in their children, but also provide guidance. Sometimes it takes the form of encouragement, while sometimes it takes the form of setting direction or redirection.

      When you purchase a new automobile, hopefully, you read the owner’s manual. Sometimes you will even reference the repair manual to discern as quickly as possible just what your new automobile requires in the way of fuel, oil type, and how to perform routine maintenance. Most people set up some kind of simple system that will remind them of when to change the oil, rotate the tires, and tune up the engine. I change the oil in my automobile every 5,000 miles. To remind me to do it I make sure that it is at intervals that match the odometer. For example, I change the oil at 5,000 miles, then again at 10,000.

      Car owners need to have a basic knowledge of the automobile’s operation to drive and maintain it properly. Likewise, you also need to have a basic knowledge of how your child operates. To be able to communicate just what a child’s talents are, parents must have some knowledge of how God makes people and what the different traits are which He creates in us. This knowledge can be gleaned from the Bible, child-rearing books, and other experts trained in these disciplines.

Understanding strengths, personalities, and traits

      Understanding what the different strengths, talents, personalities, and traits are is as simple as reading a book and taking a few inexpensive tests. In the process of doing this, you can also educate yourself in the other traits that you do not posses or see in your children. More than likely, you will see a description of your child as you read the descriptions of the other strengths and traits. Remember! It is important not to rush to judgment and start treating your child as if he or she is one type of person or another. Just simply be aware of the traits as your child develops and grows so you can reinforce behaviors that tend toward the child’s passions. Remember always to do this with encouragement and make provision for growth opportunities. The task is not to psychoanalyze your child, but to bend them or train them up “in the way they should go.” Notice that the Bible does not give the task of training our children to others; it is our responsibility. It doesn’t mean that we cannot get help when we need it, but it does mean it is our responsibility[2].

      My son, James, is an accomplished athlete. You could see early on that James had talent for running. He could run back and forth on the soccer field and never seem to wear down. As he grew older, he had a tremendous capacity for distance running. When James was 13, he wanted to run the Steve Scott Invitational. He had never trained for a mile run, but he still came in second place for his age group. His time that day was 5 minutes flat! Someone at the end of the race asked him how long he had been training and James told him that he had never trained for the race. “Well, I think you need to start training,” responded the surprised man who had asked the question.

      From that day forward, it became obvious that James had a God-given talent for distance running. As his father, I delighted seeing him succeed at something he enjoyed and had natural talent. Immediately after that race, my wife and I began encouraging James to reach for the stars. Prior to entering high school, James decided he wanted to earn an athletic scholarship. Indeed, running is what opened the right doors for him. He ended up earning a full-ride college scholarship and put himself through college using his great gift of running. Motivational speaker Greg Anderson said, “Let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and every decade worth looking forward to.”

      When my wife and I talked to James about his running, we didn’t just ask him how it went; we encouraged him to reach for the stars, which also meant to go for the gold at the Olympics. If for whatever reason he did not reach the Olympics, then so be it. However, if he set his sights early on of only getting a college scholarship, he might have regretted it and would never know if he could have made it. William O’Rourke said this about regret: “Regret is an odd emotion because it comes only upon reflection. Regret lacks immediacy, and so its power seldom influences events when it could do some good.”

      In a unique and wonderful partnership with God, we participated in the creation of our children. Our children came forth from their mother’s womb where God put them together exactly as He wanted. After a child is born, we have the privilege and responsibility to contribute to the development of our children teaching them in “the way they should go.” Also, we have a mandate to see that they are provided with an understanding of how God made them, not just the physical, but the emotional and spiritual as well.

List three things you can do with your child, which will help you observe their talents and strengths.