Chapter 5: The Owners Manual

!S

Personality and Passion

hen I was nine years old, we lived in a tin roofed home on a small farm in central Arizona.  It was a paradise for a young adventurer.  One of the experiences I had on the old farm shaped the passions of my heart for the rest of my life.

            Early one morning a plane roared overhead just above our house.  The sound of the radial engine was thrilling, and the sight of the big, yellow biplane soaring gracefully through the sky so low to the ground sent chills up my spine.  I watched as the plane flew over neighboring crops dusting them between maneuvers around telephone poles, and structures.  As quickly as the plane maneuvered to dust a row it again turned, and slowed as the pilot lined up the plane with the dirt strip, and then landed in a few fields over.  A few minutes later he took off again, and it was all I could take.  I started running toward where he landed watching the graceful biplane the entire time.  I could feel the shadow as he passed overhead blocking the Arizona sun.  The strip he landed on was a lot farther than I thought, although it didn’t matter because I had all the energy I needed to get there.  Field after field, along paved roads to dirt roads, and finally to the small temporary dirt strip I ran as fast as I could to get to the landing strip.  As I stood panting at the departure end of the small dirt strip he made his final approach, and landed to reload chemicals for the last time.  His partner got back in his service truck and drove off. The biplane made its final passes and then disappeared over the horizon, but never from my mind.  That day is still vivid in my mind; as I am still filled with excitement, and anticipation about flying.

            Years latter I am still passionate about flying.  It seems to be engrained into my being, and the very thought of flight brings excitement to my heart.  I earned my private pilot’s license, and instrument rating in my early thirties, and after two thousand hours as a pilot I still get a thrill out of takeoffs and landing.  A passion developed in me on a sunny day as I watched a big yellow biplane dust crops.

Seeing passion in our children.

            From an early age each of our children has flown with me over the years I let them take the controls, and “feel” the plane in their hands.  Jason caught the fever just like I did, and over time he developed a passion for flying. 

Seeing Jason’s interest in flying, Theresa, and I began encouraging him with rides in our airplane, books about flying, and stories of exciting flying adventures.  When he was getting close to the age where he could get his private pilot’s license, we began encouraging him to pursue his passion by taking flying lessons.  With his own hard earned cash he started working toward his dream while he was in high school, and soon after graduating he received his private pilot’s license. He since earned his instrument rating, and he is working diligently toward becoming a commercial airline pilot.

Jason’s passion followed his personal profile; he was born to be a pilot.  Everything about his profile points to a profession where caution, attention to detail, development of others, recurring training, a talent for constant improvement, a servant’s heart, and a steady temperament are a part of the job description.

Using Passion as a Compass.

            Some drivers use a compass mounted on their dash to help them get a bearing on their position relative to north.  A compass is very handy when you are in an area you are a little unsure of, especially at night. 

For years our family has spent time in the deserts of Southern California camping and driving off-road dune buggies with friends and family.  Some of the more exciting rides are in the sand dunes on the California and Arizona border.  At night in those dunes without a moon it is easy to get disoriented.  After hours of driving in and out of the large bowls we would inevitably end up on the top ridge of a large dune trying to figure out where we were relative to camp.  Someone would be low on fuel and we had to make a straight run back to camp.  It was amazing to see how everyone had a different idea of what direction we should take.  Fortunately, someone would remember a landmark and lead us back to camp.  What we needed was a compass to give us a bearing on where we were relative to our camp.

As you observe your child’s desires and passions, you are reading a compass, interpreting traffic signs and getting clues pointing you toward where your child’s heart is.  Passion comes from thoughts, which well up out of what we value and believe.  As your children grow, the best way to understand how God made them is to observe what they love and what their desires are.  What they value is part of what is behind the passion, when coupled with something, which excites what they value (such as flying in Jason’s case) a desire is intensified, and becomes apparent through observation and dialog.  As a child develops he meditates on what excites his heart, and what he believes has value, which in turn develops a love and desire. 

            Not everyone who is passionate about flying should become an airline pilot.  I am a perfect example of someone who has the ability and love for flying, but not the personality and strengths to make a career out of it. There are strengths and personality traits, which make one person more suitable for a career as a pilot than another.

Factoring in Personality and Strengths.

            You can see what a child is passionate about at a relatively young age.  Mike Junior was developing it in motor sports at about three years of age; James love for sports at four or five; Jason’s love for flying at age six or seven; and Rachel’s fascination with people at about ten years of age.   A child’s passion gives us a compass for direction, but only a blurry picture of how God made them.  Through observation you can understand where to encourage them in activities, but not necessarily where they will excel in careers and ministry.  At between ages sixteen to eighteen teens usually enter the workforce and become capable of taking the Clifton StrengthsFinder^®, Myers Briggs, and DiSC Classic Profile^®.  The results of these tests together with an understanding of their passion make the picture more complete.

A more complete picture.

Understanding what is required to become a commercial airline pilot, and the kind of personality and strengths a good pilot candidate has will be helpful in explaining how important it is to match the person to a task.  More importantly, it helps show how to avoid costly and potentially harmful mistakes in planning for college, career or ministry. 

Flying an airplane is a thrill, which most people are capable of learning to do.  It takes time, money, and some persistence, but most of us can do it.  There are several disciplines required to become a pilot, including aerodynamics, flight controls, aircraft systems, weather, navigation, flight planning, knowledge of FAA regulations, and radio communications.

Pilots must study, train, and undergo testing in each discipline before they can become private pilots.  The training takes an average of fifty to sixty hours followed by written, oral, and in-flight examinations.  A private pilot can only operate an aircraft they have been trained to fly in, and weather, which meet certain standards.  Once they have the required number of hours as a private pilot they can begin another training process to become an instrument rated pilot, which will allow them to fly in bad weather. 

As a career pilot continues toward his goal of becoming a commercial airline pilot it becomes necessary to train other students.  The training continues, from rating to rating until the pilot has achieved the flight time, and training required to reach his goal.

Jason and I both have a passion for flying; we love to fly together, talk about flying, watch airplane movies, and read books about flying.  Jason has the right combination of strengths and personality traits to become a commercial airline pilot, while I do not.  My strengths and personality provide the foundation for learning to fly, and the enjoyment of flight, but not cautious, and steady traits of a good professional pilot.

Jason’s number one strength is context. He enjoys thinking about the past, and he understands the present by researching its history.  This is an important strength for a pilot because flying is all about learning a procedure and applying it to a given situation.

His second strength is Harmony.  Harmony is about finding agreement and fitting in. A perfect strength for someone who needs to work within a ridged system of rules, procedures, and principles. 

His third strength is Developer.  Jason can see the potential in others, and he believes everyone is a work in progress (another perfect strength for pilots who by nature of the system are continually being trained, and training others).

Jason’s fourth strength is Communication.  People with the Communication theme like to speak, explain, write, and describe things in public. Pilots are required to use precise language over a radio and file detailed flight plans. 

Jason’s Myers Briggs personality type is Introverted Sensing Feeling, and Judging.  ISFJ’s have a need to be needed. They are loyal hard working souls who are methodical and accurate workers.  They are patient, sympathetic, have good memories, and unexpected analytic abilities, which help them, thrive in small-group or one-on-one situations.  ISFJs are pleasant and reliable co-workers. They make exemplary employees. 

My profile on the other hand is much different.  My strengths are Ideation, Learner, Belief, Strategy, and Input.  People with Ideation are fascinated by ideas which explain why things work the way they do, and they have the ability to see the connections between seemingly unrelated phenomena.  A “Learner” strives to learn about new things. When one subject is mastered, he wants to move to the next finding the process of learning, not reaching a goal, is where the fulfillment is.  The Belief strength is associated with someone who has strong core values. He can be trusted by others to live them out.  The Strategic strength is the ability to see patterns while others see complexity.  People with this theme can anticipate a future event based upon present data. Strategic shows up more as an instinct than something learned. 

My Myers Briggs personality type is ENTJ, also known as “field marshal”.  George Patton, the famous general of WWII was an ENTJ.  An ENTJ might be overheard on the battlefield telling someone, “I am really sorry you have to die, but we have a job to get done.”  My DiSC Classic Profile^® is D, and I, which are described as “Front Runner”.  ENTJ’s are decisive, remain resolute in conflict, and when challenged become argumentative.  The front-runner is someone who leads the charge, is a risk taker, and likes the thrill of uncharted waters.  The picture that develops in my mind of who I am is not very promising if I were to be in the military. I might find myself in front of charge screaming the battle cry!

Passion Gives Direction, Traits Provide Context.

With just a short review of these two profiles it becomes obvious which one of us a passenger on an airliner would want to be their pilot, and which one of us would make a good test pilot.  Jason would take the safe route; I would take the risky route. Jason would fly the published route, while I would ask the controller to deviate from the published plan.

As an entrepreneur, my personality has served me well, however, would you want me as your pilot at twenty thousand feet in turbulence?  I love turbulence, and flying close to lightning, it brings excitement to the ride.  The thrill in flying for me is to fly on the edge, fifty feet above the ground as fast as the plane will go.  Trust me on this one; Jason is your man if you want a non-eventful flight. However, but if you are ever looking for some excitement in the air, look me up!

By observing Jason’s passion, Theresa and I were able to encourage him in the direction of flying.  Testing him to develop his profile helped us to understand the right career path to encourage him in. 

The career path did not necessarily mean five years of college and then flight training.  That does not match Jason’s learning style.  Instead it has been concurrent college and flight training for a time, then just flight training, and back to school again.  Jason needs to see purpose to his actions, and this type of training and education meets his needs and motivates him to continue on a course, which will get him to his goal. 

For some parents (including myself), this type of education track is uncomfortable; it does not meet our goals.  If your child has a vision painted in his mind of what he will become, this along with your encouragement and support will provide the motivation to see his education through.

Balancing for performance.

A high performance engine must have parts that are balanced so that they will not harm the engine at high RPM.  Just as high-octane engines need to be balanced for performance, children need a balanced approach in helping them find the right direction in their lives.  Understanding the balance between your child’s passion and personality profile will then open up opportunities for them where they can find success, significance, and fulfillment.

            The same traits that make Jason a great pilot, and more specifically, a great candidate to become an airline pilot, might keep him from moving ahead on his own if he did not receive some direction.  Without direction, Jason might follow the course of least resistance.  He does not naturally plan his future, he is reactionary, and continues in a direction until he becomes miserable or is given clear evidence it is not in his best interest to do so.  Without high-octane fuel, Jason would most likely end up becoming a pilot some day, but a career doing what he loves might not have been in his future.  What a waste it would be to leave his talents, and tremendous potential to chance. Thomas Edison said, “I never did anything worth doing by accident, nor did any of my inventions come by accident; they came by work.”  Raising high-octane kids is hard work, but it is an important work. By doing a good job at it parents can have a profound impact on the world.     

“Almighty God doesn't call any man or woman to a trivial or unimportant life work.  If you can't see your job as being somehow vital, and meaningful to mankind, change it or get out of it.” –Nelson.  The issue with most of us is not our lack of desire to do well.  Usually we have just lost sight of what we are passionate about, and what motivates us to do better.  God built us to be passionate about what we do, not to be satisfied with mediocrity.  To spend a lifetime in a career which does not take advantage of our strengths, talents, and personal profile is a waste of life. 

Introspection is difficult for an adult much less a child. They cannot see within themselves the potential their parents can.  As our children grow, we have the advantage of being on the outside looking in which allows us to spot the strengths and passions, which will drive their lives.

Avoiding the super hero trap.

            Over the years, I coached little league and soccer when our kids played sports.  When you see skill in your child it is easy to start dreaming of the day when they will get signed to a major league contract.  In itself this is not a bad thing, but to focus only on getting them ready for the big leagues is a mistake.  The same passion and personality profile, which makes a child a great athlete, can also help them excel in other ministries, and careers.  Athletic scholarships are wonderful, and encouraging your child to pursue one is smart parenting. 

            The potential of earning a living in a celebrity career is discouraging at best, and if they are not concurrently prepared for another direction you could be very well setting them up for a disastrous failure.  If your child is an athlete, musician, artist or a motor sports enthusiast you would be wise to encourage them to pursue a plan “A” and a plan “B”. 

            James is a good example of someone who has the potential to become a professional athlete.  James was good at everything he did in sports; he excelled at just about every sport he tried as a child.  He eventually landed in track, and field where he earned a college scholarship.  He excelled in college with fifteen All American awards, and eventually became a professional distance runner, competing in the five thousand meter.  His coach was Bob Schul, the 1964 Olympic gold medallist in the 5000-meter.  James is a talented athlete with the disciplines required to perform as an elite athlete.

            Track and field is just not popular enough in this country to support all the people who want to do it professionally.  James came to this realization much to his credit, as he could not make ends meet on what he could earn as a runner, the competition for what little prize money is available is very high.  The only real money in track and field comes after a medal at the Olympics (only three Americans went to the 2004 Olympics in the 5000 meter and none of them placed in the top three). 

            The story is the same in other professional sports, in music, art, and theater.  The competition for the available spots is intense, which is why it is so important to have a plan “B”.  Encourage your child to become all they can be at what they have a passion for, but create a safety net for them.  Give them a fighting chance by encouraging them to pursue a secondary course of education or training in a field they love.

All of our children have backup plans in case they are not able to fulfill their primary goal.  For James it is business and marketing. Jason excelled in music from an early age, but he is also training to become an airline pilot.  Michael Junior loves off-road racing. His plan “A” is computer science while racing is his plan “B”.  Rachel’s hearts desire is to be a stay at home mom, but her backup plan in case something goes wrong is business administration and child development.

            The training for plan “A” is good for a child.  The disciplines and training learned are transferable to other occupations, and the experiences will last a lifetime. Emerson said, “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”  Encourage your child by expecting their best at whatever they excel in.  These same disciplines and experiences will prove invaluable as your child moves through life. 

Setting Expectations.

            Setting expectations for our children may be the single most important attitude we can have as a parent.  Children must see we believe in them. We also have to model it for them so they know we are serious.  James’ high school running coach demanded excellence, and set great expectations in James’ heart (as well as every other athlete on his team).  Theresa and I followed by helping him set high standards and goals for his sport.  Expect small things, and you will get the expected results. Expect great things, and you will get greater results.  I would never suggest you push your child, just expect great things.  Let them know you believe in them, and they will do the rest. 

            Your child’s passion, personality profile, strengths, and behavioral traits will provide the blueprint you need as you trend from disciplinarian to trusted confidante. 

As you set expectations you begin to establish a vision in the heart of your child that will motivate them to achieve great things in life.  As you read on you will begin to understand the importance of setting a vision in the heart of your child.

Write one line about each of your children’s passions.