Chapter 6: How We Are Made

!S

Values are Magnetic

any years ago on a trip to Europe, Theresa and I visited the restaurant Botin in Madrid, Spain.  It was a marvelous experience. Guinness Book of Records lists Botin as the oldest operating restaurant in the world.  As we entered the restaurant we could see cooks preparing suckling pig and roasted lamb in the large wood fired oven just as they have for centuries past.  Laughter, busy cooks and waiters excited the atmosphere as we were led upstairs to our dining area where large stone walls held up ancient timbers spanning the dining room overhead. 

            The food did not disappoint and the atmosphere took us back to a time when men ate with their hands while boasting loudly of recent exploits. I wanted to freeze the experience in my mind forever, but my memory has betrayed me leaving only a dull memory of sensations it failed to capture.

If you ask Theresa which restaurant she enjoyed most, it would be the Saint George Hotel in Salon Sassoon, France. We met a friendly businessman on the train from Belgium to France and he recommended the Saint George Hotel.  Theresa and I wanted to visit a small village and get a feeling for life in rural France and our new friend’s recommendations were right on the mark.  The hotel, food and small village atmosphere were delightful.  We still talk about the fine food, the walks through ancient streets along the Sassoon River. 

Theresa was impressed with the service at the restaurant in the Saint George Hotel where waiters serve one course at a time while observing proper etiquette.  Between each course of the meal they brushed away crumbs from our table, filled our glasses and reset our place settings.  The incredible atmosphere and service were highlighted by locals enjoying a fine meal with friends and family in a large group right next to us.  It was interesting to watch the different customs as they ate, laughed and passed a miniature French poodle across the table to one another.

Theresa and I favored completely different experiences because we value things differently.  We both look at life though different lenses, each shaded with our own values.  Her values connect her with a quiet French Hotel along a river in France while I would choose an ancient rough cut stone and wooden structure in the middle of Madrid. 

I will choose a steak house and Theresa will choose a fine Italian or French restaurant.  I want to go to an off road race and Theresa wants to stroll through a botanical garden.  What we value influences our preferences and choices in life.  Our personal values are magnetic, they draw us to people, tasks and experiences, which  in turn, reflect our values. 

High Octane Dot to Dot Development.

The first time I saw a food smoker it was in many pieces.  More confusing than the first Christmas bicycle I assembled for Mike Jr.  Each part was easy enough to identify, but I had no idea of how it went together or what each part was for.  I knew the lid went on the top and what the barrel and feet were for, but I had no idea of where all the pans and grills went.  I knew what a pan was and what a grill was, but I had no idea how they worked together in a smoker.  I had information about what came with a smoker and was knowledgeable about what some of the parts were but no idea how to put them together to be functional.  There were many parts and they were confusing because I did not yet have an understanding of how they went together.

When I began assembling the smoker, I had to read the assembly instructions.  It was quite different from any barbecue I had ever put together or even used.  The instructions explained how the smoker went together. At this point I had understanding of how the barbecue smoker went together.  It was exciting to see it assembled.  It looked just like the picture.  However I could not figure out what those crazy pans were for and how I was going to smoke my chicken.  Actually I did not really know how to smoke; I just had a smoker, some wood chips, charcoal and a chicken.

Upon completion of the smoker assembly I began reading the user manual.  The assembly instructions explained how to assemble the parts into something useful.  The owner’s manual gave me the wisdom to operate it and cook with it.  The lower pan was for charcoal; the upper pan was for water and marinade.  As the food cooks on one of the two grills, juices drip into the pan and add flavors to the process. 

The wood chips are soaked in water and placed directly on top of the charcoal, as they smolder the wood flavor is absorbed into the meat.  Now I was gaining wisdom in the use of a barbecue smoker.  All I needed was some experience smoking the chicken.  The recipe book, which came with the smoker, gave me the temperature and time estimates to follow.  The charcoal was ready in the bottom pan according to the instructions. The seasonings were rubbed on the outside of the chicken and it was laid in place with a cooking thermometer inserted right where the instructions told me to put it.  Chips were soaked and placed on top of the smoldering charcoals.  I was smoking a chicken and the results met my every expectation. Family, and friends were delighted with the wonderful flavors created by the smoker.

To be knowledgeable is to collect information; it is not the same thing as having understanding or wisdom about a subject, it is just information.  It is like dots in a dot-to-dot drawing of an arrow, on their own the dots mean very little.  Understanding comes when we make connections between different pieces of information, which can be useful, just like connecting the dots in our example to make an arrow.  Wisdom is the ability to direct understanding in a way, which produces beneficial results much like pointing the arrow in our example in a productive direction.  Godly wisdom is learning to point the arrow in a direction, which ultimately glorifies God.

It took knowledge of the smoker parts, understanding of how to assemble them and wisdom to operate the smoker.  The experience gave me new skills and now smoking it is now one of my values, I value smoked foods, and even more importantly, I value the art of smoking.  It is important to me.  I gained the skill by being successful at smoking, it turned into a value because I enjoyed it and wanted to repeat it.  I am highly motivated to smoke food and I look for opportunities to use my smoker.  It is lots of work but it does not matter, I am motivated by my values to do it and I have the skills, or competency to accomplish the task.

Skills are a large part of what develops a set of values, values in turn develop passion and passion is a large part of setting direction.  Knowledge (the dots) of what your child is skilled at is the first step in spotting what values are developing (connecting the dots).  As you see skills emerge in your child you can begin encouraging them to use their skills (pointing the emerging dot to dot arrow). 

You can encourage your children with activities, which help them develop their skills, putting them in situations, which provide opportunities to exercise those skills.  Give them toys to stimulate their creativity, introduce your children to other children or adults who have developed the same skills you are observing, or put them in an organization where they can grow skills, like the boy scouts, a reading club, a sports team, an art class, or a model airplane club. 

Spotting the “Dots” in Young Children.

            Like most boys at the age of ten, I wanted a BB gun for Christmas.  I do not know what it is about BB guns and young boys but I wanted one in the worst way.  Christmas morning came and there it was under the tree.  The exact make and model I had requested.  A Daisy with lever action just like I had seen on TV.  Within the first day, I noticed there was something a little rough in the way it cocked.  It would jam as I moved the lever.  By the second day I had to learn what was causing the problem.  I took the gun apart piece by piece.  I was able to figure out what was wrong, but I needed a part to fix it.  I only used the BB gun for two days.  After weeks of effort I could not get it back together again.

            My neighbor Mike Taylor also got a BB gun.  He wanted to hunt with his.  Everyday we were in the canyon behind the apartments where we lived looking for things to shoot at with our homemade slingshots and now his new BB gun.  Both of us wanted BB guns, we both loved the canyon but only one of us was a hunter.  Mike Taylor was good with the slingshot and the BB gun.  I was not.  However, I loved exploring the canyon’s little streams and ponds, or fishing for crawdads with bologna on a string while telling wild tales about exploits yet to be experienced. 

If parents were watching they would have seen two boys, the same age, going to the same school, doing the same things but with totally different sets of skills.  Mike Taylor and I valued different things, we were predisposed to enjoy different things by God himself who gave us different skills and personalities.

I wanted to experience and learn while Mike Taylor wanted to experience and do.  I was content observing the birds and crawfish; Mike wanted to capture them.  I had a fascination about how the BB gun worked and Mike was more interested in using it.  I want to be stimulated with activities, which helped me, experience and learn.  Mike needed activities, which helped him do and learn.  We both needed to learn, and experience, but I needed more learning, and he needed more doing. 

When our daughter Rachel was only two years old we could already see how God had built relational skills into her.  She needed to be with others, our boys would play alone for hours but Rachel needed to be around other kids.  Her energy level soared when she got to play with her cousins Dayla and Diana.  It is not just that they loved to play together.  It was that Rachel was energized by it.  People energize Rachel; she would stand in front of a radio with a friend and dance as long as the friend was there (or maybe it was that she had an audience).  In a group setting her voice would get excited as she interacted with other children.  We could see she was extroverted even way back then just by observing her. 

Watch what interests your child.  What are they drawn to?  What do the toys they want for Christmas tell you about what they value?  Which games do they want to play?  Which game are they best at.  Do they even like to play games?  What cartoon do they like the most and what does it tell you about what they value?  Learn to watch your child in interaction with others, both children and adults, it will help you to understand how social they are and how you can stimulate them if they happen to be the extroverted type or introverted type.  Do they like to tear things apart?  When you find out what they value it will give you some insight into where their skills will shine. 

I cannot stress this enough, the task is not to put them in a box but to discover, encourage and direct based upon what you learn.  Labeling a person as an introvert or extrovert may have negative effects depending upon how a child or parent views the behavior.  You want to know if your child is an introvert or an extrovert, becaue you can direct them toward activities they will prosper in and keep them out of situations they will stumble in. 

Not understanding a child’s, or an adult’s tendencies in this area can be as harmful as labeling them.  You might know of people who will not attend events where they might be called upon to speak or pray in public.  Insensitivity to people with a shy introvert’s predisposition can be harmful, a good leader, teacher or facilitator will watch for these tendencies in people and avoid calling on them for public speaking, especially impromptu speaking.  Interestingly enough, those of us who are most at ease speaking in front of groups are typically the offenders.  Be careful with your quiet child. They will become the backbone of every organization they get involved in (assuming they want to be there).

            Young children cannot take personality tests as adults can, but the signs are there if you know what to look for.  If you will take the tests referred to in this book yourself, read the information on the web sites and get proactive about understanding how you and your children are designed, you can glean enough information to connect the dots and provide high-octane fuel for your child’s development.

Developing Skills.

            Skills are not just developed from experiences; they spring from God given talents.  Exodus 35:35 says “He has filled them with skill to perform every work of an engraver and of a designer and of an embroiderer, in blue and in purple [and] in scarlet [material,] and in fine linen, and of a weaver, as performers of every work and makers of designs.”  (Emphasis mine).  God gives us skills, which glorify Him, and people ultimately find fulfillment in life when pursuing the purposes God has made them to fulfill.

We find value in what we are skilled in and find easy to do, or as we sometimes say, “what comes naturally” to us.  People recognize skill and competency when they see it and it brings significance and acceptance by our peers.  Spotting your child’s skills early on will help you spot developing values. Parents can direct a child’s skills by establishing a vision of what they can become.  Put your children in situations where they are utilized.  It will motivate your child and keep him or her out of undesirable activities.  If left to their own children will find what brings significance, even if it means becoming friends with those who would corrupt good morals.

Values Are Your Instrument Panel.

An airplane has a sophisticated instrument panel. There are instruments to tell you how fast, how hot, how efficient and even how long the engine has been running.  Other instruments tell you how fast you are flying, where you are, what elevation you are at, the aircraft’s attitude, where you are going, and when you will get to your destination.

Your child’s values are like an instrument panel in that they will tell you how God made your child, what they are good at doing, where they are going and how to encourage and direct them to stay out of danger.  As you observe your child’s development you can see what they value by whom and what they connect with.  Intentionally connecting them with what they personally value will stimulate them and keep them focused on productive activities.  I do not mean to suggest you give them everything they want, but encourage them to pursue the things they connect with on their own.  Exposing them to as many experiences as possible is important.  Finding one thing they like without introducing them to the rest of the world would be a mistake, but encouraging them in areas they develop interests in is wise, it helps you and them learn to discern what has the greatest value.  These values will eventually develop into a passion, which will connect them to people and activities they will thrive in.

Painting a Vision in Your Child’s Heart.

            It is critical to understand the biblical difference between a vision and a mission. A vision is what we want to become, a mission is what we have to do to get there.  A plan is what has to be created to complete the mission.  A mission is something you do and a vision is something we want to become or be a part of.  The Lord paints visions in our minds and gives us missions to perform, which are motivated by a vision. God gives us a vision of a church working together for good as one body and a mission we call the great commission to gather people into the body of Christ.  God gives us a vision of the enthroned Lord and a mission to glorify him in all we do.  He gives us a mission to live righteous lives and a vision of a life hidden with Christ in God made possible by His sacrifice. 

            Keeping a worthy vision in our mind gives us the energy, motivation and reasons to accomplish our mission.  The bible says in Isaiah 32:8 “ . . . the noble man devises noble plans; And by noble plans he stands.”  A plan details how a mission will be carried out.  Noble plans when powered by a noble vision bring vitality to an organization, a family or an individual.  This kind of leadership makes doers out of people. 

An organization driven by a noble vision will have stamina in their mission.  They will be motivated to accomplish their mission because they believe in what they do.  A mission standing on its own will not motivate.  In fact people will grow weary and fall away from the mission if they do not see a noble vision.  In Proverbs 29:18 the bible says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish . . .” (KJV).  God designed us to be motivated by vision and we are, good or bad.  Noble plans, which in turn create noble visions, excite us, they make us dream of what might be, and they motivate us. 

            This is why motivational speakers urge individuals and companies to develop a vision people can buy into.  Once a person catches a vision of what they can become they are more directed and self-assured in performing their mission.

A Noble Mission for Jonah.

            The Lord painted a beautiful vision of what He wanted to accomplish in the hearts of the people of Nineveh.  He painted the vision at the end of the book of Jonah when he said in Jonah 4:11, " . . . should I not have compassion on Nineveh, the great city in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know [the difference] between their right and left hand, as well as many animals?"  God wanted to save a people and their great city from their sins.  The vision was implied when God originally gave Jonah his mission.  He told him in Jonah 1:2 "Arise, go to Nineveh the great city, and cry against it, for their wickedness has come up before Me."  The vision and the mission were laid out before Jonah. A noble plan, a noble vision, just not a willing prophet.  God also had a noble plan for the prophet.  He wanted Jonah to understand a flaw in his character.  Jonah knew God’s character, he said himself in Jonah 4:2b “for I knew that Thou art a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, and one who relents concerning calamity.”  He knew the vision and the mission.  He did not buy into it, but he knew it was God’s character to save Nineveh from destruction. 

            God gave Jonah a vision of what he wanted, a righteous Nineveh, and he gave him a mission to accomplish what should have motivated Jonah.  Sin was in the way, but it was a noble plan empowered by a noble vision.  God never gives us a mission without giving us a noble vision.  Sin gets in the way but the vision is always there if we have spiritual eyes to see it. 

            It is important for us to paint vision in the hearts of our children, a vision of what they can accomplish, of what they can become, a mission empowering vision.  Children need a vision with an eternal perspective in mind, a perspective, which takes into account how God designed them, so that just like King David they can accomplish God’s purpose in their lives in their generation.

List the values you see in your children. List your own values, see where you connect with them and use it to help you engage them in areas you share values.