Conquest - Appreciate his desire to work and achieve
Hierarchy - Appreciate his desire to protect and provide
Authority - Appreciate his desire to serve and to lead
Insight - Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel
Relationship - Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship
Sexuality - Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy

 

 

Tell him verbally or in writing that you value his work efforts.
Express your faith in him related to his chosen field.
Listen to his work stories as closely as you expect him to listen to your accounts of what happens in the family.
See yourself as his helpmate and counterpart and talk with him about this whenever possible.
Allow him to dream as you did when you were courting.
Don't dishonor or subtly criticize his work "in the field" to get him to show more love "in the family."

 

 

Verbalize your admiration of him for protecting you and being willing to die for you
Praise his commitment to provide for you and protect you and the family (he needs to know you don't take this for granted.)
Empathize when he reveals his male mind-set about position, status, rank, or being one-up or one-down, particularly at work.
Never mock the idea of "looking up to him" as your protector to prevent him from "looking down on you."
Never, in word or body language, put down his job or how much he makes.
Are always ready to figuratively "light the candles," as e.v. hill's wife did when they couldn't afford to pay the light bill.
Quietly and respectfully voice concerns about finances and try to offer solutions on where you might be able to cut spending.

 

He will feel you appreciate his authority and leadership when you:

 

Tell him you are thankful for his strength and enjoy being able to lean on him at times.
Support his self-image as a leader.
Never say, "you're responsible but we're still equal, so don't make a decision i don't agree with."
Praise his good decisions.
Are gracious if he makes a bad decision.
Disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.
Give your reasons for disagreeing quietly and reasonably, but you never attach his right to lead.
Do not play "head games" with him to make him back down and be a "loving peacemaker."

 

 

Tell him upfront you just need his ear; don't complain to him later that he always tries to "fix" you.
Thank him for his advice without acting insulted or like he doesn't care about your feelings.
Realize your vulnerabilities, especially among males, and value his protection.
Counsel him respectfully when you differ with his ideas (you can be right but wrong at the top of your voice).
Sometimes let him "fix things" and applaud his solutions.
Let him know that you believe god has made us male and female for a purpose and that we need each other.
Admit that you can sin and thank him for his perception and godly counsel.

 

 

Tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).
Respond to his invitation to engage in recreational activities together or you come along to watch him (you don't have to go every time, but just now and then will energize him more than you realize).
Enable him to open up and talk to you as you do things shoulder to shoulder.
Encourage him to spend time alone, which energizes him to reconnect with you later.
Don't denounce his shoulder-to-shoulder activities with his male friends to get him to spend more face-to-face time with you. Respect his friendships, and he will be more likely to want you to join him shoulder to shoulder at other times.

 

 

Respond to him sexually more often and initiate sex periodically.
Understand he needs sexual release just as you need emotional release
Let him acknowledge his sexual temptations without fearing he'll be unfaithful and without shaming him.
Don't try to make him open up to you verbally by depriving him of sex.

 

Closeness - She wants you to be close
Openness - She wants you to open up to her
Understanding - Don't try to fix her, just listen
Peacemaking - She wants you to say, I'm sorry
Loyalty - She needs to know you're committed
Esteem - She wants you to honor and cherish her

 

 

You hold her hand
You hug her
You are affectionate without sexual intentions
You are with her alone so you can focus on each other and laugh together
You go for a walk or jog . . . anything that results in togetherness
You seek her out . . . set up a date night . . .eat by candlelight
You go out of your way to do something for her, like run an errand
You make it a priority to spend time with her
You Are aware of her as a person with a mind and opinions. . . let her know you enjoy discussing things with her and getting her insights
You suggest the unexpected . . . get takeout and eat on the beach . . . take a walk to see the full moon . . . park on the bluff and watch the sunset
You pillow talk after making love . . . lye close with your arm around her and share feelings and intimate ideas . . . and never turn on Sports Center or Nightline

 

Your wife feels you are Open to her when . . .

 

You share your feelings, telling about your day and difficulties.
You say "Lets talk," ask her what she's feeling, and ask for her opinions.
Your face shows you want to talk--relaxed body language, good eye contact.
You take her for a walk to talk and reminisce about how you met or perhaps you talk about the kids and problems she may be having with them.
You pray with her.
You give her you full attention . . . no grunting responses while try to watch TV, read the newspaper, or write e-mails.
You discuss financial concerns, possible job changes, or ideas for your future.

 

She'll know you're trying to Understand her when . . .

 

You listen and can repeat back what she said.
You don' try to "fix her problems" unless she specifically asks for a solution.
You try to identify her feelings.
You never dismiss her feelings, no matter how illogical they may seem to you.
You say, "I appreciate your sharing that with me."
You say, "I appreciate your sharing that with me."
You don't interrupt her when she's trying to tell you how she feels.
You apologize and admit you were wrong.
You cut her some slack during her monthly cycle.
You see something that needs to be done and you do it without a lot of hassle.
You express appreciation for all she does: "Honey, I could never do your job."
You pray with her and for her.

 

She'll fee at Peace with you when . . .

 

You let her vent her frustrations and hurts and don't get angry and close her off.
You admit you are wrong and apologize by saying., "I’m sorry, will you forgive me?"
You understand her natural desire to negotiate, compromise, and defer, and you meet her halfway.
You try to keep your relationship0 "up-to-date," resolving the unresolved and never saying, "forget it,"
You forgive her for any wrongs she confesses.
You never nurse bitterness and always reassure her of your love.
You pray with her after a hurtful time.

 

 

-You speak highly of her in front of others
-You are involved in things important to her
-You help her make decisions, such as ones regarding the children
-You don't correct her in front of the children
-You don't look lustfully at other women
-You make her and your marriage a priority
-You are never critical of her or your children in front of others
-You include her in social gatherings when others may leave their spouses home
-You tell the kids, "Don't speak to your mother that way!"
-You call and let her know your plans.
-You keep commitments.
-You speak positively of her and the children at all times.

 

Your wife will feel Esteemed when . . .

 

You say, "I'm so proud of the way you handled that."
You speak highly of her in front of others.
You open the door for her.
You try something new with her.
You give her encouragement or praise with kindness and enthusiasm.
You notice something different about her hair or clothes.
You are physically affectionate with her in public.
You teach the children to show her and others respect.
You value her opinion in the gray areas as not wrong but just different - and valid.
You choose family outings over "guy things."
You make her feel first in importance.
You are proud of her and all she does.