Chapter 1: Performance Specifications

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Designed to Perform

igh-performance automobiles run sluggish, smoke, ping, and eventually break down when the owner attempts to operate it on substandard fuels. Just ask a BMW owner what happens when he or she tries to operate his or her car on low octane gasoline rather than the manufacturer’s recommended hi-octane. High-Octane children are like high performance BMW’s—they too are designed and built to perform, needing High-Octane direction in their lives.

      High-Octane children often sputter and stall when they are not driven and operated the way their Creator designed them. They require specialized, focused attention and discipline in their lives to perform the way God designed them. This design can be seen at an early age through observation and interactive relationships. As your child develops into a teenager, many tests can be administered to sharpen your understanding of how God designed them.

      How do we raise a child the way God designed him or her? All of us are born with built-in passions and strengths that well up from whom we are meant to be. When these passions and strengths are given external guidance and stimulation, they provide High-Octane fuel in which our children will find significance that will motivate them to excel and perform as the Creator originally designed.

      Human beings, our society in particular, are obsessed with discovering their personal significance in the world. When each one of us finds significance in life, it motivates us to become a high-achiever. It is interesting to note that the lack of personal significance is cited as one of the leading causes of depression, suicide, and personal regret. Left to their own, children in increasing numbers will not find their way in life and often times will find themselves in the wrong career, wrong marriage, or even worse, a sad suicide statistic.

      Statistics[1] claim that as many as 70% of all Americans are in the wrong career, and as many as 50% of Americans, including those who attend church, end up in the wrong marriage. Another startling 2002 US Government Statistic[2] shows that suicide was the third leading cause of death among young people 15 to 24-years old. The gender ratio for this age group was between 3:1 and 7:1, males over females. As startling as these statistics are, they point out a tremendous need in our society for direction and input, and that direction needs to start in the early stages of a child’s development.

      This principle is laid out for us in the Bible. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Often this verse is interpreted to mean that we should raise our children right and they will continue to live the good morals we taught them. While this interpretation is correct, we can glean even more wisdom here. The words “in the way he should go” mean exactly that. We are to bring understanding and wisdom to bear in the raising of our children, from the very beginning of their lives. If we understand how God has made them, we can then direct their paths, give instruction, and pass on wisdom. Not just the rules but direction, “the way he should go.” Basically, here is what wisdom is all about:

      Left only to the school systems, television, and the current culture, children may not have the motivation and focus to succeed the way God originally designed them. How do we know “the way he should go” if we do not take into account how they are made? God made each child with talents, personality, and behavioral traits that all give direction for his or her life. Our responsibility as parents is to understand to the best of our ability how God has made our children and then, armed with our child’s “profile,” train them up in “the way he should go.”

      When we string up a bow, we can see right away that it has been designed by its creator to bend in a specific direction. If we bend it the wrong way, it will break the bow, or at the very least, render it useless. High-Octane children need to be raised in “the way they should go” and not in a way that provokes or “bends them in the wrong direction.”

      God made each of us as unique individuals not only with different physical characteristics but also with special talents, personality, and behavioral traits. We all understand that this is the case because it is easily observed. What is not so obvious is the following: (1 just what exactly are these gifts, (2 how they work, and (3 what advantages they bring to each of one of us.

      It is easy to spot athletic talent in a child because we can see it developing early on in life. What is not so easy to see is whether a God-given strength for being competitive accompanies that talent, which is an entirely different issue. An athletic child might use that talent on the soccer field for entertainment, but have no desire at all to play on a more, competitive traveling team. This often disappoints the parents who see the natural skills and assume that the talent is accompanied by a healthy dose of competitive spirit.

      My son, Jason, is a good example. He played soccer when he was young. He was very fast, had good ball control skills, and practiced and trained very hard. However, Jason was not a competitive child. He just did not like to compete. He did not have the competitive instincts that would compel him to compete for the ball and drive it to the goal. However, he did enjoy being a part of a team. Pushing Jason to compete on a traveling team and in high school would have been like trying to string a bow in the wrong direction. It probably would have broken his spirit too. Today, Jason is a very talented drummer and airplane pilot where entirely different skills and temperament are required. Could you imagine a pilot who was so competitive that he cuts corner in his pre-flight inspection so he can be the first one in the air?

      We all want our children to grow into productive and happy adults. Guess what? So does God! Look at what the Bible says:

Here is what I have seen to be good and fitting: to eat, to drink and enjoy oneself in all one's labor in which he toils under the sun during the few years of his life which God has given him; for this is his reward. Furthermore, as for every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, He has also empowered him to eat from them and to receive his reward and rejoice in his labor; this is the gift of God. For he will not often consider the years of his life, because God keeps him occupied with the gladness of his heart. Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 (NASB)

      The Bible also tells us to search for knowledge and wisdom:

My son, if you will receive my sayings, And treasure my commandments within you, Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding; For if you cry for discernment, Lift your voice for understanding; If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will discern the fear of the LORD, And discover the knowledge of God. Proverbs 2:1-5 (NASB)

      It is not such a simple thing to discover these gifts in our children. However, it is very important! If we are not armed with an understanding of how God made our children, then it is very easy to set them up for failure. But when parents are armed with an understanding of how God designed their children, then they can provide them with High-Octane direction for their lives.

      Once we know how our children are designed, it is much easier to assist them in knowing God’s will and purpose for their lives. God’s will is for us to: (1 Have fellowship with Him, which was a part of His original purpose for us. The Westminster Catechism says, “The chief end of man is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.” (2 Become Christ-like through the renewing of our minds. Dwight Pentecost said, “The theme of the glory of God runs throughout the Word of God. God’s method of revealing His glory is to take lowly things, things that have no glory in themselves, and to transform them and use them as instruments to reveal His glory so that He may be glorified.” (3 To live the life of purpose that He created us for as spelled out in Romans 8:28: “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to [His] purpose.”

      It is the life of purpose—and more importantly—God’s purpose that we want for our children and ourselves. How can we live the abundant life if we do not live life the way we were designed? Knowing how God has made us helps us to excel and live a life of meaning, one that glorifies our God, and produces joyful and highly motivated High-Octane people.

Benefits of raising High-Octane children.

Their attitude about life is one of purpose.

      Every parent has had to deal with a child who has a bad attitude. It can be a frustrating experience. Dealing with a child not challenged in the area of his or her gifting is painful for all parties involved. Children are more apt to enjoy something they have a talent in because they are gifted to do it, and that gifting produces excitement and passion.

Motivation is built in by God himself.

      Understanding how God made your child will assist you in encouraging your child in activities that he or she has a built-in motivation to perform. Let me illustrate. My oldest son, Michael, loves skateboarding and is well known in our community as a talented skateboarder. It does not take any prodding on my part to get Michael to practice—the motivation is already built in him. God created Michael with the unique ability to use his mind and body to control machines. Whether it is a simple skateboard, an off-road motorcycle, or even an off-road racecar. Indeed. Riding in an off-road vehicle with Michael can be compared to an E-Ticket ride at Disneyland. Even though the ride is fast and scary, like Disneyland, it is also a safe ride because personality testing has revealed that one of Michael’s built-in “strengths” is responsibility. This strength of Michael’s will always keep you safe when you are riding with him. It also means he will return your phone call when you call and leave a message, or that he will complete a task he has undertaken for you.

They have focus.

      A child that is directed “in the way he should go” will have focus; focus that moves him or her toward goals he or she is excited about and are naturally motivated to reach. Your child will tend to be less attentive to distractions and will demonstrate uncommon persistence in achieving his or her intended results.

      People who rise to positions of dominance in any field are persistent and usually meet adversity with determination because they have learned that they are over-comers in their field. President Lincoln was such an individual. He did not do well in public life early on, losing many of the campaigns for office that he set out to capture. Persistence and focus eventually won out and he became one of the greatest leaders in our nation’s history. Lincoln’s leadership skills were honed over the years through public service. However, he also possessed God-given talents he needed to succeed, and that gave him the focus and persistence to reach his goals.

      It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that discipline and focus create the talents, and that personality and behavioral traits help make us achievers. In reality, it is the other way around. Attempting to push a child in a direction they were not designed by their Creator to be “bent into” through constant prodding provokes the child and will eventually frustrate the parent. This causes parents to worry anxiously that their child is not motivated. The children sense something is wrong and try to perform to their parents’ expectations only to be disappointed later on again by poor results.

They have personal significance.

      King David of the Old Testament is a great example of someone who fulfilled the purpose that God had made him for. In Acts 13:36 we read, “For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep, and was laid among his fathers” (emphasis mine). Many Christians want to be like King David, who the Bible says “was a man after God’s own heart.” A man who found personal significance and lived life the way God designed him to live. He pursued the joys of his heart where he found persistence and focus, great tools in achieving what God had purposed him for.

They have more self-confidence.

      When a task seems easy to us it builds confidence in the ability to repeat the task with similar results in the future. High-Octane direction in a child’s life will guide him or her toward activities and tasks he or she is well suited to perform. Of course, all children have the ability to clean their room and wash dishes, but not all children excel at basketball or music. Great basketball players have height, strong lungs, and a healthy dose of competitiveness. Talented musicians have the ability to hear music in a different way than the rest of us and seem to learn a variety of instruments with ease. God builds special talents and physical characteristics into each child so he or she can have success in life. As a child experiences small successes, it builds confidence to attempt more, and each time success is achieved, self-confidence and a feeling of personal significance results.

Selecting the right major in college.

      With as many as 70% of the workforce employed in fields outside their college major[3], High-Octane direction for children becomes an especially important topic of discussion. College stretches our children and teaches them intellectual and technical disciplines. It is also expensive, time consuming, and requires a targeted approach and not a shotgun approach in selecting the right college and major field of study.

      High-Octane teenagers, with their parent’s assistance, understand how God has made them. While growing up in a High-Octane home, they were tested for strengths and personality at an early age. This gave their parents a roadmap to reinforce the passions that were in their early lives. High-Octane teenagers actually enter college several steps ahead of their peers who grew up in homes without direction. Studies indicate that without preparation ahead of time, most college students flounder and lack the motivation to excel or even to succeed and graduate.

The future is one of meaning and fulfillment.

      High-Octane children have hope because they believe they will see the fulfillment of their dreams in the future. Dreams they believe in and have confidence they will succeed because they were designed to accomplish their dreams. The lack of High-Octane direction in a child’s life does not necessarily mean that he or she will not succeed. Indeed, most of us will eventually find our way, some toward the end of our lives and others early on in life.

      Isaac Asimov, one of the greatest science fiction authors ever, found his way relatively early on in life. Asimov had a fascination with science fiction as a child. His parents immigrated to the United States from Russia and opened a candy store in Brooklyn. The store carried science fiction magazines that young Asimov read whenever he had the chance. One day, Asimov’s father caught him reading the colorful magazines. He forbid young Asimov from further reading because he believed that only bums read science fiction magazines. Asimov was persistent, and was allowed to read certain editions approved by his father.

            Later, Asimov completed junior college and then entered Columbia University as a biology major. He soon switched to a chemistry major. While still in college, Asimov wrote his first professionally published science fiction story. “Marooned Off Vesta” appeared in Amazing Stories in 1939. Asimov continued in his education to earn both masters and doctorate degrees. After serving in World War II, he taught at Boston University’s School of medicine.

      We can only imagine what additional things Isaac Asimov might have accomplished if he’d had High-Octane direction in his life at an early age. When Asimov’s father bent the bow in the wrong direction, young Isaac did not break. He had the persistence to continue toward becoming one of the most celebrated science fiction authors ever.

      Not all of us have Isaac Asimov’s persistence. He was driven to write by his love and fascination of science fiction. But it was a part-time endeavor throughout his college life and early professional career. What might he have accomplished if his parents had encouraged him in his writing at an early age? What amazing stories would the world be graced with if Isaac Asimov had pursued the field of study he dreamed about while in college instead of the field his father thought was better for him?

      Let me ask you this: What gifts has God bestowed upon your children that He wants to use to change the world? Perhaps God has gifted your child to discover a cure for a deadly disease. Or maybe your child is already gifted with the talent and skills necessary to develop a renewable fuel source, or compose the next Handel’s Messiah, or write the next Pilgrim’s Progress.

      It is my prayer that as you continue to read, study, and apply this book to you and your children’s lives, that you will begin to understand how to discover your child’s passions, talents, personality, and behavioral traits. May God give you wisdom to empower your child with the High-Octane direction he or she needs, and discover “the way he should go.”

From the list above, what do you believe are the most important issues for your children?